Holiday Reflections: Early Bird Special

2010-12-06T21:04:00.000-08:00

She couldn't stop running, and she didn't dare look back behind her. They would stop at nothing to make sure that she would be captured. Darkness loomed behind her, as she ket running towards the setting sun, hoping that if she ran fast enough, it would never set.

today is Dec. 6th and i find myself thinking about Christmas. i think about how i need to get 20 other gifts plus the five for my own family, and how i can't seem to find a cheap enough idea, without making it seem completley thoughtless. as i play my violin in orchestra, i find myself hating certain well-known songs, as the cellos can't seem to get a run of 16ths down and the 1st violins keep starting on beat 1 rather than 2. and then it comes to my time to play and i find myself sinking into a sort of depression because i don't feel as though i am playing as well as i can. but that can be easily remidied with a good round of practice that makes my fingertips ache and my head hurt as the Ukranian Bell Carol rings in my ears and the notes to a merry sleigh ride dance before my eyes.

and then, oddly enough, as i go through my day without much zest, i think about how little people really care about christmas anymore oh sure, its the thought that count and of course we must decorate our homes to the point that night becomes day and the real deer on our lawns seem to be the fake ones. christmas is the brith of christ, for those who are of the persuasion, it is the fourth day from the winter solstice, for others it is some time after hanukkah, and for others still, it is the eve before kwanza. i am sure that there are many other holidays to address, but this is a blog, not a full length novel in one post. most of all, i think about how commercialized it has become and i even find myself reflecting on how certain ads for sodas and gifts make me wish that they would re-run the olds ones that i remember from being even younger than i am now.

of course, there are the generous souls that give to those who are less fortunate, to those who may not survive for very much longer, for the people that everyone else looks down on because they are so poor and unfortunate. call me a callous *ahem* bitch, but, quite frankly, i believe that if you feel the compulsive need to help these people out, or if you are guilted out into doing it because you heard of your ever richer and 'better' friend/family member/coworker/whatever doing it, then you are as much of a douch as they are. true genrosity is sitting with that crazy hobo (disenfectant at the ready) with coffee loaded with antibiotics and listening to their ramblings, just so that they can talk. it's when you go up to the kid with cancer, face. to. face, tell them how you wish that they were healthier, give them a chocolate bar (or whatever they prefer) along with that giant stuffed bunny, and play the game that they would like to play, rather than dumping off a donation and leaving the nurses to be their only friendly contact. it's when you hand deliver those things that no one wants to the reservation, or to the orphanage, and say that your sorry that these things aren't new, but that you are glad to see them alive and well anyways.

i may be a hypocrite for not doing these things myself, but i do not fool myself into thinking that i am a saint because i donated canned food, old jackets that simply don't fit, and cash to the places that i can't go to. if i could, i would sit next to that hobo, i would play a video game with that cancer-kid, and i would drive up to the reservation myself and learn more about a culture that has been pushed to the side, brought up as some fad, and as easily dismissed as the stain on your carpet that you just can't get out.

the winter holidays are about generosity, kindness, and loving your fellows, even if they resemble that which you fear. Happy Holidays, everyone, I hope that you fufill all that you intend to do.

Posting of the First Nature

2010-12-04T19:30:00.000-08:00

so... here we are. me, another author of another blog, and you, another reader on another computer. whether or not you choose to take interest in my life is up to you and if you don't like it, you don't have to read....

i suppose, i should start off with introductions, then. I am J.H. Nguyen (pronounced 'win', but different people from different parts pronounce it differently). I am young, and I admit to making stupid mistakes, but that does not make me an idiot in the ways of the world. I have traveled all over the world and I have seen starvation, disease, the destitute, the desperate, the rich, the unfortunate, and the content. I am no stranger to the affects of war, even though I have never been in one directly. Many members of my family have fought for our country and I can honestly say that I shall always be proud to call them my family. I have yet to get a job, but it will have to wait until I finish with the part of my education that is required by law. The rest shall remain a mystery until I find it sufficiant to disclose to you, dearest reader.

at this point in my lfe, i am slightly.. unstable. i have a self-image problem (though were you to meet me in reality, you would never be able to tell), and i am scared of the future. it's not war or economic downturn, or even the possibility of the world ending. i am afraid of growing up. at the precipeice of adulthood and there is so much that i need to do. move out from my parent's house, get a job, get a life. and what's more is that i am not entirely sure of what i should do. i love to paint, but there isn't much money there. i had thought, for awhile, that i would like to become a chief, but then i realized that even though i like to cook, i don't love it so much as to do it for the rest of my life. i love reptiles of all kinds, and the field of herpetology is one that i take great interest in. however, it is a lot of schooling, and it is such a narrow field of research that the chances of me getting the career i would like is slim to none... well, that and i's feel as though i were living out my oldest sister's dreams (she wanted to be a vet). in all truth i am an english major, but i have absolutley no desire to teach whatsoever (mostly due to my mother.... she is a college professor and somplains endlessly about her students). so where does that leave me?

all points of life going on aside, i am left with my.. somewhat psycological problem. i suppose it isn't so bad if i can recognize that i have issues. for instance, ever since i was young, i have hated myself. i've hated that i can still smile, i hate how i look, and i hate the way i am... i could always blame it on the fact that when i was very small, my biological father left my mother and i, and that has been what has stuck the self-hate/blame into my psyche. it could very well be that i have some little chemical imbalance that could be cured with a pill and that would be that.. i don't know. so, i put a mask on everyday, a smile for everyone and a hug for all my friends. ah.. but here i am going on and on, boring you, aren't i? very well, i stop while i am still ahead, and leave my rants for another day. good night.

Putting In Perspective

Holiday Reflections: Early Bird Special

Posting of the First Nature